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Tamisan
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Name: Tam
Country: United States
State: California
Metro: Orange County
Gender: Male


Interests: Kendo, Football, running, manga, anime, body boarding, skiing, aikido, and being me!
Expertise: Eating, Staying Dirty, Marksmanship, Clearing Airway, Stop Bleeding, Running reallie fast, Living for myself, and updating my xanga (at least) weekly! *gasps* hahaha, (no one puts that one in this box) *grins*
Occupation: Military
Industry: Medical


Message: message me
Website: visit my website
AIM: Tamereno


Member Since: 10/7/2003

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Thursday, March 05, 2009

IMG_3543


i have been meaning to write for a long time.  The words and thoughts are always in my mind but before i put them down to type it stops.  Maybe its a fear of sounding silly or maybe even crazy.  But the honest truth is that this little place on the internet is my place to be me.  Where i don't have to lie.  Where i can say what i need to say without reprisal.  I'm usually not the type to speak about how i'm feeling.  sometimes i bury them deep enough where i don't even know if they are still apart of me.  But thats okay.  thats how everyone wants me to be.  i'm the medic.  i listen and treat problems.  what good would i be if i was the one with the fragile feelings?  pretending to be strong gives strength to others...  to pretend to be strong.  That's what its all about.  The silly fact that if we pretend and lie to our shelves hard enough then it will be true.  The Army takes whoever has a heartbeat and 18 years of age.  It is our job to make that "boot" into something more than he would ever be without it.  We make them lie to themselves.  To believe that the impossible is possible.  Sometimes people resist and they fail.  But for most of us...  it becomes a way of living. 
 
I used to question myself if i would have been a happier person if i would not have joined the army.  but i don't ask that anymore.  the answer after 5 years of serving "God and Country" is that i gave some of the best years of my life, my sanity, my relationships with love..  friends, career, money so that people from a nation half the world away wouldn't kill one another...  Even more... My friends and i have given our lives.  Regardless if there's a tombstone with our names on it or not.  The person that left his parents and his girlfriend died in that desert...  Now we walk on the earth trying to find out who this new person is...  that is so hateful, and tired.

so that my americans could live oblivious to the fact that me and my friend's deaths are "apart of the scheme " of things.  Even though we are just like them...  with hopes and ambitions; something other than just trying to live to the next day

Maybe this would be alright with me...  the whole...  sacrificing so that others may live a normal life (bullshit.)  If I would have spent these last 5 years making a difference!!!  All the training, all the equipment, all the lies that i forced myself to believe to make the impossible, possible....  for nothing.  I could not save one soul. 

Now that i'm wrapping up the end of my commitment to "God and Country,"  i leave with what the Army wanted me to know from the beginning. 

Bury the feelings deep inside.  that is strength.

the impossible is possible.

live the lie that everything is fine again and that happiness is all around.

 










Thursday, December 25, 2008

Merry  Christmass

DSCF0887



to all those who never rest.

to those in distant lands


your job is never done


and

as lonely or hard as it may get

know that I have been there, and I will NEVER take for granted what you do for us.

Thank you for putting your life on the line so that we can all enjoy a wonderful christmas


Friday, December 05, 2008

Currently
Smile Empty Soul
By Smile Empty Soul
see related
KFOR 11




in a couple more hours i'm leaving on a flight that will be the first of many for this deployment. 

This time it's going to be on a peacekeeping mission in a place where that appreciate American military presence


But i cant shake off the miserable feelings of when things were bad in Iraq


____________________________________


Things will be good regardless of how much shit comes our way.  My platoon is tough ready for any uncertainties that may come.
I will take care of my soldiers, and that will take care of me.
and before we know it, we'll be standing in formation @ a welcome home ceremony.


____________________________________


Thanks to all my friends and family that were always there even when i was gone.

you are my rock and foundation




Tuesday, May 27, 2008

















And thank you for those you gave all








Monday, May 21, 2007

I'm addicted to Battlestar Galactica season 3!

 

thank you vu for telling me about www.movie6.net

 

 

 

 

 



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